SYNCOPATED RHYTHM: The Dance of Dom and sub

“This is like a kinky duet, my friend. You can’t do it alone and expect it to be smooth, or pretty.” Ben Sterling, HOLD TIGHT, 9-15-15 from Loose Id


Our second round of workshops on the first day of the BDSM Writers Conference was another opportunity to sit at the feet of Cecilia Tan and wallow in her greatness. Her “Doms Are From Mars and Subs Are From Venus” covered such rich ground as we delved into the supremely important aspects of a relationship between a Dom and a sub, that I’m still foraging for nuggets of writing gold in my notes.

As so often can happen with any relationship, miscommunication can lead to huge conflict. Add to this D/s play, and power exchange, and raw sexual action, and you have the recipe for wonderfully rich conflict and plot elements for BDSM erotic romance. This kind of conflict can heat up your characters, and your story, exponentially, helping to drive the blend of kink and romance that must be woven tightly and seamlessly to ensure riveting characters and a gripping story.

Trust. Truthful communication. Expectation. Kink. Love. Jealousy. Mistaken cues. Overlooked clues. These all become a recipe for a romance. Or a recipe for disaster. And what better way to torment your characters than to thrust them into a disaster!

I know there were other authors there who took note of a keen insight Cecilia had made while researching. A large majority of submissives would rather suffer bodily harm than disappoint their Dom. Startling, until you think about the power of the relationship in question. And then it is far more understandable. And shows just how difficult it can be to navigate a relationship in this world. Where even a safe word unspoken can rock that world.

As an author, using these realities of human experience and psychology allow me to create fallible characters.

Because, after all, who wants perfect on page 1? We want to see the characters in all their troubled, tangled, confused humanity. We want to watch them be forced to face their foibles, overcome obstacles. We want to cheer them on as they learn, and grow, acknowledge hard truths, embrace those truths and grow to become a better, freer person at the end of their journey. A person who can embrace the love that they thought they didn’t deserve, or couldn’t have. Characters who finally – FINALLY! - accept themselves in all their kinky glory, and find the right person to share their life with. Happily ever after!

Cecilia Tan’s presentation added a wealth to my library of information to work with when creating my characters. Wonderfully, too, she confirmed the legitimacy of my heroine, Eden Grant, in my forthcoming BDSM erotic romance (HOLD TIGHT, 9-15-15, Loose Id Publishing), whose mistake during a scene instigates a major hurdle that she and Hud Crockett, her Dom, will have to overcome.

No human is perfect. No Dom is always right. No sub always behaves. Scenes can go wrong. Mistakes can be made. People can mess up. And in our stories, perfection isn’t where the fun is. Conflict is our meal, and angst and drama are the spices that flavor our tales of lust and love.

Bottom line, screwing with our characters heads and hearts is where it’s at. Because it’s so awesome when they figure it out!

Yes. I’m that twisted! Aren’t we all? Come on. Admit it.

2015 BDSM Writers Conference - Day One: And Away We Go – The Kinky Adventure Begins!

The first moments of a writers’ conference are always great fun. You get that jolt of energy as you are walking in, knowing you’ll be immersed in your chosen world of writing and publishing. And the BDSM Writers Conference offers that along with the special spirit that comes with being part of a vital group of individuals sharing like minds on the subject.

I marched upstairs to the cordoned off section for the event only to encounter two ladies I’d met at the 2013 BDSM Writers Workshop event, which was the perfect kick-off. After getting my goodie bag, badge and all-important wrist band (it was a must to get into the Saturday Powders play party), who should I spot but my dear friend, and editor, F. Leonora Solomon. We were soon joined by agent and publisher extraordinaire, Lori Perkins, of Riverside Avenue Books, and host of the Between the Covers monthly erotica reading series in NYC and we caught up (writing, life, and kinky stuff) before settling in Metro 1 for the rousing opening ceremony where we debated which workshops and panels to go too while the room filled with authors, lifestyle practitioners, and readers who love what we write.

Dr. Charley Ferrer spoke movingly about being the “different” daughter in her family. Now an internationally recognized sex therapist and BDSM advocate, her beginnings as a young girl who had different desires struck a chord in me, and I’d guess every other attendee as well.

When was the first time you wondered?

Living an alternative lifestyle is something not just kinky people attending the Con could identify with. As a romance author, I suffer the periodic slings and arrows of having my genre called “trashy” and belittled by the literary community at large, and society in general. And as an author of BDSM erotic romance, even my own romance community includes many who denigrate my sub-genre as something that’s not real romance, but porn in disguise. To be ostracized by my brethren is disheartening, as we who write erotic romance, and BDSM romance in particular, believe whole-heartedly that our romance is just as valid, and powerful, because of the inclusion of intensely sexual characters, which we weave seamlessly with the emotional relationships as we tell our stories. So while at larger, general conferences I might feel a bit shunned, at the BDSM Con I was in my element, with a marvelous group of folks who understand just how magical the marriage of kink and romance can be.

Long before the public’s eyes were opened wide to the kinky world via the wildfire popularity of Fifty, there were massively talented authors writing BDSM romance, including many lifestylers. These romances kept to the tried and true tropes of romance so beloved by readers, but ingeniously clothed in the psychology, emotions and sexuality of BDSM.

Doms and subs are merely romance heroes and heroines taken to new heights. Sexuality is not merely an adjunct to these romances. In kinky love stories, the sexuality drives both the characters and the romance. Protagonists’ desires are what bind them together (pun intended) while providing the opportunity to portray deep conflicts, which give these novels their carnal heart and soul.

Understanding the dynamics and accurately portraying our characters with intense humanity, coupled with edgy desires, is the whole purpose of the Conference. To ensure we, as authors, deliver the best romances we can write; stories that bring this lifestyle to life in all its edgy realism, within the classic form of a romance novel.

With Dr. Charley’s inspiring words to start us off, we were then treated to a terrific talk by our Keynote speaker, erotica author, and BDSM activist, Cecilia Tan.

Her advice was to be just the first gem of the Conference. So stop by tomorrow, when I talk more about this author’s insight in to the genre of BDSM fiction, and my musings on this marvelous genre and the world of kinky creativity.