SYNCOPATED RHYTHM: The Dance of Dom and sub

“This is like a kinky duet, my friend. You can’t do it alone and expect it to be smooth, or pretty.” Ben Sterling, HOLD TIGHT, 9-15-15 from Loose Id


Our second round of workshops on the first day of the BDSM Writers Conference was another opportunity to sit at the feet of Cecilia Tan and wallow in her greatness. Her “Doms Are From Mars and Subs Are From Venus” covered such rich ground as we delved into the supremely important aspects of a relationship between a Dom and a sub, that I’m still foraging for nuggets of writing gold in my notes.

As so often can happen with any relationship, miscommunication can lead to huge conflict. Add to this D/s play, and power exchange, and raw sexual action, and you have the recipe for wonderfully rich conflict and plot elements for BDSM erotic romance. This kind of conflict can heat up your characters, and your story, exponentially, helping to drive the blend of kink and romance that must be woven tightly and seamlessly to ensure riveting characters and a gripping story.

Trust. Truthful communication. Expectation. Kink. Love. Jealousy. Mistaken cues. Overlooked clues. These all become a recipe for a romance. Or a recipe for disaster. And what better way to torment your characters than to thrust them into a disaster!

I know there were other authors there who took note of a keen insight Cecilia had made while researching. A large majority of submissives would rather suffer bodily harm than disappoint their Dom. Startling, until you think about the power of the relationship in question. And then it is far more understandable. And shows just how difficult it can be to navigate a relationship in this world. Where even a safe word unspoken can rock that world.

As an author, using these realities of human experience and psychology allow me to create fallible characters.

Because, after all, who wants perfect on page 1? We want to see the characters in all their troubled, tangled, confused humanity. We want to watch them be forced to face their foibles, overcome obstacles. We want to cheer them on as they learn, and grow, acknowledge hard truths, embrace those truths and grow to become a better, freer person at the end of their journey. A person who can embrace the love that they thought they didn’t deserve, or couldn’t have. Characters who finally – FINALLY! - accept themselves in all their kinky glory, and find the right person to share their life with. Happily ever after!

Cecilia Tan’s presentation added a wealth to my library of information to work with when creating my characters. Wonderfully, too, she confirmed the legitimacy of my heroine, Eden Grant, in my forthcoming BDSM erotic romance (HOLD TIGHT, 9-15-15, Loose Id Publishing), whose mistake during a scene instigates a major hurdle that she and Hud Crockett, her Dom, will have to overcome.

No human is perfect. No Dom is always right. No sub always behaves. Scenes can go wrong. Mistakes can be made. People can mess up. And in our stories, perfection isn’t where the fun is. Conflict is our meal, and angst and drama are the spices that flavor our tales of lust and love.

Bottom line, screwing with our characters heads and hearts is where it’s at. Because it’s so awesome when they figure it out!

Yes. I’m that twisted! Aren’t we all? Come on. Admit it.

THE DEVIL’S IN THE KINKY DETAILS: BDSM Intensive with Dr. Charley Ferrer & Getting Kink Right

Internationally recognized sex expert, BDSM community advocate and Conference Founder, Dr. Charley Ferrer got the conference underway with her information packed intensive. Her drive to educate both the reading and the writing public about the lifestyle is fueled by her desire to make sure the misconceptions, and prejudices, can be avoided by writers who can portray the lifestyle accurately.

To that end, her talk was filled with the nuance and specifics of the BDSM lifestyle. From psychology to terminology, from the many roles participants may play, she urged us to “get it right when writing about kink, be it erotic romance, erotica, or any other form that discusses this subject matter. And this session reiterated for many of us, just how much we still have to learn about the lifestyle and its people.

One of the most important concepts that I took away (along with copious notes) is that it is vital to understand that there is no one type of participant (in real life, nor should there be in our books!).

And for me, that is a glorious treasure for me as an author.

As a former actress, I was not surprised by the revelation that I am a character-driven storyteller. Just as with a role, every performer’s take on that character will be unique. There will be no two Juliets alike. No two actors would be the same as Harry Potter. We’ve seen that several times over with James Bond and the various acting incarnations of that character.

So with my romantic tales populated by kinky characters, each foray into BDSM is driven by those characters. Each has different kinks. Each embraces a different dynamic. Each explores different desires, dreams and fears.

Where one player is a raunchy Dom with a penchant for spanking and nasty BJs, another is a sensuous sadist who loves building the anticipation until his submissive love teeters on the brink of sexual insanity. One loves expensive toys, the other pervertables. One heroine is a feisty gal with a quick comeback, the other a vulnerable soul yearning to belong.

Likewise, my characters each feel differently about their kinky predilections, and you’ll see that characters such as the ones we at the Con write run a gamut of personality types, emotional types, and diverse backgrounds. Each has different expectations to the lifestyle, each has different reactions, and each embraces different aspects. As they say, “your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK”. And it’s a concept you’ll see embraced throughout this writing community.

So learning some marvelous specifics about protocols and rituals, about play specifics, roles and types of players; learning that basically anything goes in the safe, sane and consensual world of BDSM allows me, and my fellow authors, the latitude to create special worlds, populated with a vast array of kinky characters to romance, to titillate, and entertain.

Which means that while Dr. Charley’s panoramic presentation was great for authors, it is hella great for readers who love their romance hot and kinky and twisted and filled with awesome characters of every type!

And hey you folks out there who haven’t discovered the joy of BDSM? Come on in! The water’s steamy!

Kinky Writers Talk Writing. And Kink. It’s What We Do: 2015 BDSM Writers Con Friends Old and New

One of the pleasures of the conference is catching up with my fellow authors of smokin’ hot kinky erotic romance. I had a chance to do this on opening day of the Con.

Fired up after the opening ceremony, I grabbed a meal with authors Roz Lee and Cris Anson. Though the fare was modest, we weren’t. We chatted, and laughed and make snarky comments about all manner of things, but what we mostly talked about was writing. It’s what we do. Writing is a world unto itself and we authors generally learn the hard way that the non-writers in the world think you’re a tad odd when you earnestly tell them your characters “want to have sex on every page”. Generally a step back is taken, or the more daring suggest medication.

But we had a wonderful chance to wrap ourselves in the feeling of being part of something special, and apart, as we sat at a small table and the work-a-day world of NYC swarmed around us, unaware that the three average ladies of a certain age were authors of all manner of kinky smutty goodness.

It is a similar energy to the atmosphere of other writing conferences, including the 2015 RWA National conference that was held in July in NYC. That con championed the genre of romance, in nearly all its myriad forms, instilling us with a fervor to produce the best romance we can, even in the face of the perennial snobbery that afflicts our genre.

But BDSM Writers Con goes one step further. Because it champions the vastly popular, but still too often maligned, sub-genre of BDSM erotic romance.

While vanilla erotic romance has slowly been welcomed to the fold after several years of vitriol and exclusion from the mainstream romance playground, kinky romance, with its edgy play and consensual Dominance and submission dynamic, is still viewed with trepidation at the least, or outright disgust at worst.

Yes, even among our romance writing brethren, who know well how it feels to be treated shabbily!

So, it is Dr. Charley’s conference at which we romance writers of this taboo topic are able to let it all hang out. We share, unabashedly, not just our joy in writing, but our enthusiasm for BDSM. For raw and raunchy kink. For sensual and sublime D/s. Books with flogging and pain play. Humiliation play. Master/slave scenarios. Cuffs and canes and nipple clamps, oh my!

And an additional plus of the Con are the readers who joined us. Because it has always been the readers who keep this genre flying off the virtual shelves and onto e-readers with asbestos linings. These readers who have traveled with us into this kinky land of wondrous sexual riches. Where there literally is, something for everyone. No matter your choice of kink, there’s a book for you! BDSM erotic romance covers every genre from shifter to rock star, from billionaire to bad boy bikers. Our readers are looking not just for the happy ending of a romance, not just for the deep emotion of partners in love. They are looking for the complex connection forged in the flames of kinky sex. And ladies and gentlemen, my friends and I are more than happy to make your naughtiest dreams come true!

When Cris and Roz and I took our lunch break, I was thinking about how much it means to me to be a part of this incredibly open and honest community. So, to my supportive and generous community of kinky authors and experts, thanks for another great escape into our twisted universe. Seeing the wholehearted embrace of this genre left me filled with renewed determination to bring all my kinky characters to life – and what deliciously twisted lives theirs are!

And to those readers? The folks who could barely contain their excitement at being a part of the fun, and meeting some favorite authors, and talking with unabashed glee about all their favorite – ahem – action? It was great fun to meet you, talk with you, share with you!

Until next year, keep looking for your favorites stories. Or take up a pen and start one of your own. Let your characters explore their deepest and darkest secrets. And until next year? See you on the page, ladies and gentlemen!

(And if you can't wait until 2016 - HOLD TIGHT, my brand spanking new BDSM erotic romance, debuts September 15, from Loose Id.

PS – if you haven’t discovered the BDSM Writers Con? Check it out! The portal to all the kinky goodness is right through the Golden Flogger Award badge to your write! I mean RIGHT!