2015 BDSM Writers Conference - Day One: And Away We Go – The Kinky Adventure Begins!

The first moments of a writers’ conference are always great fun. You get that jolt of energy as you are walking in, knowing you’ll be immersed in your chosen world of writing and publishing. And the BDSM Writers Conference offers that along with the special spirit that comes with being part of a vital group of individuals sharing like minds on the subject.

I marched upstairs to the cordoned off section for the event only to encounter two ladies I’d met at the 2013 BDSM Writers Workshop event, which was the perfect kick-off. After getting my goodie bag, badge and all-important wrist band (it was a must to get into the Saturday Powders play party), who should I spot but my dear friend, and editor, F. Leonora Solomon. We were soon joined by agent and publisher extraordinaire, Lori Perkins, of Riverside Avenue Books, and host of the Between the Covers monthly erotica reading series in NYC and we caught up (writing, life, and kinky stuff) before settling in Metro 1 for the rousing opening ceremony where we debated which workshops and panels to go too while the room filled with authors, lifestyle practitioners, and readers who love what we write.

Dr. Charley Ferrer spoke movingly about being the “different” daughter in her family. Now an internationally recognized sex therapist and BDSM advocate, her beginnings as a young girl who had different desires struck a chord in me, and I’d guess every other attendee as well.

When was the first time you wondered?

Living an alternative lifestyle is something not just kinky people attending the Con could identify with. As a romance author, I suffer the periodic slings and arrows of having my genre called “trashy” and belittled by the literary community at large, and society in general. And as an author of BDSM erotic romance, even my own romance community includes many who denigrate my sub-genre as something that’s not real romance, but porn in disguise. To be ostracized by my brethren is disheartening, as we who write erotic romance, and BDSM romance in particular, believe whole-heartedly that our romance is just as valid, and powerful, because of the inclusion of intensely sexual characters, which we weave seamlessly with the emotional relationships as we tell our stories. So while at larger, general conferences I might feel a bit shunned, at the BDSM Con I was in my element, with a marvelous group of folks who understand just how magical the marriage of kink and romance can be.

Long before the public’s eyes were opened wide to the kinky world via the wildfire popularity of Fifty, there were massively talented authors writing BDSM romance, including many lifestylers. These romances kept to the tried and true tropes of romance so beloved by readers, but ingeniously clothed in the psychology, emotions and sexuality of BDSM.

Doms and subs are merely romance heroes and heroines taken to new heights. Sexuality is not merely an adjunct to these romances. In kinky love stories, the sexuality drives both the characters and the romance. Protagonists’ desires are what bind them together (pun intended) while providing the opportunity to portray deep conflicts, which give these novels their carnal heart and soul.

Understanding the dynamics and accurately portraying our characters with intense humanity, coupled with edgy desires, is the whole purpose of the Conference. To ensure we, as authors, deliver the best romances we can write; stories that bring this lifestyle to life in all its edgy realism, within the classic form of a romance novel.

With Dr. Charley’s inspiring words to start us off, we were then treated to a terrific talk by our Keynote speaker, erotica author, and BDSM activist, Cecilia Tan.

Her advice was to be just the first gem of the Conference. So stop by tomorrow, when I talk more about this author’s insight in to the genre of BDSM fiction, and my musings on this marvelous genre and the world of kinky creativity.

Welcome to the 2015 BDSM Writers Conference - Live from New York City!

The anticipation for the 2015 BDSM Writers Con had been growing as we all kept in touch via a Conference Facebook page, and on August 19, the festivities began with an Author Meet & Greet & Buddy Up cocktail hour at the suite where founder, Dr. Charley Ferrer, held court.

Having attended the 2103 BDSM Writers Workshop (from which Dr. Charley created the inaugural Conference in 2014), I was thrilled to see some old faces, like Rose, and Karla and Jenny of Exquisite Reviews. And finally got to meet in the flesh some of my new soon-to-be-fast friends from the FB group, with whom I’d been corresponding.

We had a few drinks, did a round-robin introduction that included the who’s and what’s of our writing sides, that had us howling and, as the newbies quickly discovered, hilarity was to be the overall mood for the entire Con. That night we kicked it off and ended up laughing like hyenas.

See, that’s the irony of the BDSM Con, where discussions of flogging, knife play, bondage; safe, sane and consensual Sado-masochism and Dominance and submission are the norm – everyone hugs hard, and laughs harder. It’s a wonderfully giving and supportive environment, and above all, crazy enthusiastic about the lifestyle, and the erotic writings that seek to portray it.

Because that was the original impetus for Dr. Charley’s master plan (pun intended). She wanted to offer an opportunity to writers of erotica and erotic romance to get it right. To understand the nuance of BDSM, the play, the protocols and the dynamics. And most importantly the people who live the lifestyle in all their marvelous diversity. Getting it wrong like “that” book, has riled up lots of community members and I, for once, was thrilled to have the chance to learn, as well as to experience some things that allowed me to gain a greater understanding, from a personal perspective.

One of my personal pet peeves is the failure of authors of BDSM erotic romance to get it right, psychology-wise. I want to understand why the characters want what they want and if there’s no understanding, I feel cheated.

By opening it up in 2014 as both a writer and reader event, Dr. Charley allowed interested fans of the genre to experience the real thing, too. To come, and explore and at club nights, play. Hearty volunteers got to be demonstrated on, and a grand time was had by all (or so I’m told – sadly, I am forced to commute to the events and cannot party til all hours!). But even the simplest of experiences can reveal startling details about many facets of BDSM.

Even being told to kneel before someone can illuminate your view of what power exchange can entail!

This first evening was a rousing intro to what was to come. A fact-and-fun-filled three days of immersion into “the Lifestyle” of BDSM. Which included a wonderful vendor shop, and great swag.

So after that first gathering, I arrived the next morning, on Thursday, to see what I could see.

Come back tomorrow for another glimpse into the awesome Conference when I chat about the Opening Ceremony, with Dr. Charley and Keynote Speaker, author and advocate, Cecilia Tan.

Trust me. You will not want to miss it!

Interested in BDSM as a writer or reader? You, too, have a chance to find out for yourself just how intriguing the subject is. BDSM Writers Conference 2016 will be adding a second venue event in addition to the NYC Conference, in Everett, Washington. Check out the site and see for yourselves (just click on the "Golden Flogger" Award badge)! Just remember – bring some dungeon-wear, and leave your inhibitions at home!

Back To School: Dr. Charley Ferrer's BDSM For Writers Workshop

I have always loved school, but let me tell you, school was NEVER like this! Last Friday through Sunday I had the immense pleasure to attend BDSM FOR WRITERS, a workshop opportunity provided by Dr. Charley Ferrer, sex expert and BDSM lifestyler.

I write erotic romance and more and more kinky business is finding its way into my torrid tales. What can I say? My heroes and heroines just like it edgy! SO I found this a great opportunity to make sure that I am depicting these characters fairly, realistically and with humanity and complexity. But unlike college with its textbooks and ivy laden campuses, we met in a building on the West Side of NYC in the heart of the garment district. We came with our pens and notebooks at the ready, and our “homework” assignment – print out the manual – in hand, but here is where any similarity ended.

9 of us introduced ourselves and got comfy in a small room where “educational aids” were displayed - including floggers, whips, heavy metal collars, and fetish “intro” kits. We ladies came from all around – from Virginia, Boston, New Jersey and Rhode Island, among other locales. Young, older, some in the lifestyle, some not, we had the one thing in common that brought us together: Writing kinky erotic romance. Paranormal, contemporary, historical and everything in between. And what we wanted to know about BDSM was – well, everything!

Dr. Charley herself provided massive amounts of information on the lifestyle. A sex expert, worldwide speaker and presenter, she had us oohing and ahhing, and laughing. She explained the roles, the kinks, the fetishes and the psychology. She gave us the opportunity to try out the implements on one another, which we did with much giggling. I got to try on a collar and it was a curious experience to feel that heavy metal being locked around my throat. I had a few licks with a deceptively benign looking whip. We even had exercises to get us into the heads of submissives, and masters (though the kneeling was hell on my knees!) which was perfect for this “method writer” as I can now rekindle some of those sensations when crafting my characters. The “never-know-til-you-try” adage was a marvel in this regard because I, and the other ladies, were open-minded and willing.

We shared some of our own personal experiences, and got to know one another the first day, lunching together and chatting about our writing, social media, families and more.

Unfortunately I was unable to take advantage with the other gals when they trekked on down with Dr. Charley to Paddles S&M club. DomSub Friends was celebrating an end of summer party and the reports the next day by the bleary-eyed ladies were eye-opening, and hilarious. Suffice it to say they all had a blast and got into the swing of things with vigor.

In addition to Dr. Charley’s talks, she also arranged for a great group of guest speakers. Electrical play expert Jay presented a mind-blowing presentation on electricity in his “sensual” role. The discovery that Michael’s craft stores, my local supermarket and Home Depot can provide many naughty & fun enhancements to this play was a kinky kick. I’ll never look at Christmas decorations the same way again! Being able to play “hands on” with volunteers and get a sense of this play was really cool. His partner, volunteer and “sweet sadist” MaryAnn was likewise filled with great information about BDSM play and the lifestyle. They also generously shared information about organizations and play in other cities and Jay took names for his “dance card”, promising those ladies one “electric” experience that night at Paddles!

There were also several other speakers, members of the BDSM community, but writers too, which provided a wonderful parallel to the discussions on BDSM. Cassandra Park spoke about spanking and discipline play, and how it infuses her own erotica writings. The amazing Laura Antoniou, author of the cult Master/slave cult favorite series, The Marketplace, among other titles, was insightful, informative and wildly, hysterically funny. And I was thoroughly thrilled to have an opportunity to meet, and listen to, DL King, She is the award-winning editor who acquired my erotica short story “My Master’s Mark” (under my erotica pseudonym, Lydia Hill) which will be the finale in her upcoming Cleis Press anthology SLAVE GIRLS (2014).. She talked about her role in the community, and how her knowledge – and our research into this lifestyle – imbues her writing and will raise ours to a realistic level that will fascinate readers.

A second night at Paddles included game participation by two of the ladies’ husbands, and what was clearly an incredible demo of fire play, by Dr. Charley herself, with the assistance of one of our group who volunteered to be the flammable playee.

Our terrific workshop was rounded out with a discussion on psychological pathologies, including Dr. Charley stressing the distinction consensual BDSM players, sharing the power exchange and a mutual intent, and those who are sadistic and/or abusive outside this structure.

Having a chance to gain some understanding into this socially provocative community, to meet some authors intent on rendering this lifestyle with honesty and realistic depictions, to meet these lifestyle participants who gave so generously of their time, expertise, knowledge and humor, as well as to just make new friends, was simply a delight.

And as I made my way home on the LIRR, my head was filled with wonderful research, newfound respect, as well as great ideas, and a terrific base on which to build my BDSM erotic romance. Where my heroes and heroines play - safely, sanely and consensually - and find their happy, kinkilly ever afters.

Interested in attending next year’s bigger, better conference? Check out: http://www.bdsmforwriters.com/